Kate Schaefer (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kate_schaefer) wrote,@ 2007-12-04 21:30:00 |
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International Small Emergency Month
A month ago, we were observing International Small Emergency Week at my house, with crises involving the washing machine, the dryer, the downstairs toilet, and the car gearshift. All of these crises were resolved through the magic of throwing more money at them than seemed reasonable, except for the toilet, which was resolved through the magic of having hired a plumber some time back who was willing to keep fixing it until it stayed fixed, dammit, without charging more. That is, he said it was fixed months ago, and when it turned out not to be fixed after all, he came back and worked on it until it really was fixed. Our plumber is a hero of the revolution and a jewel among tradesman.
It turns out that we were mistaken about the nature of this fine international festival. It's such a popular event that it lasts at least a full month, maybe more. We will not go into the nature of the plumbing crisis that requires us to keep a drip pan under the kitchen sink. It is nothing that would not be fixed in a major kitchen remodel, and it would not even be a problem were it not for the unfortunate circumstance of our house's previous owners having bought oddly-threaded plumbing parts back in the era of Make Your House Unique With Off-Brand Stuff, some time in the fifties. We will not talk about how the car mechanic could not duplicate the gearshift problem, while we could duplicate it at will and against our will, any time of the day or night as long as it was a bad time.
No, we will go straight to the gigando flood and record-breaking rainfall afflicting all of the Pacific Northwest right now and point out that it violates the terms of International Small Emergency Month. That is, yes, it is true that the part of the flood that affects me is relatively small, only a small leak in the basement, easily controlled yesterday by applying every single towel I own to the leak in turn, flinging each towel aside after ten minutes, running the towels through the spin cycle (you will recall that I replaced the washer last month, yes?) and then through a few minutes in the dryer (you recall also that I replaced the dryer last month, no?) before reapplying the towel to the leak, which was getting bigger and faster all the time, and maybe it would become a bigger problem than towels could contain, so we moved all the stuff in the path of the leak from one side of the basement to the other. As I say, small.
And the part of the flood that affects me indirectly is only a little bit bigger, a mere inch of water all over the floors of my granddaughter's high school, closing the school from Monday morning until Wednesday. Well, maybe more than an inch, and the school will stay closed until Thursday. Um, next Monday for sure.
These are minor inconveniences compared to the landslides and closed freeways and railroads and helicopters evacuating people from the rooves of the houses, and I return to my complaint: International Small Emergency Month is supposed to involve only personal inconvenience. It is not supposed to require the intervention of the Red Cross, calling out the National Guard, or governmental declarations of disaster.
A month ago, we were observing International Small Emergency Week at my house, with crises involving the washing machine, the dryer, the downstairs toilet, and the car gearshift. All of these crises were resolved through the magic of throwing more money at them than seemed reasonable, except for the toilet, which was resolved through the magic of having hired a plumber some time back who was willing to keep fixing it until it stayed fixed, dammit, without charging more. That is, he said it was fixed months ago, and when it turned out not to be fixed after all, he came back and worked on it until it really was fixed. Our plumber is a hero of the revolution and a jewel among tradesman.
It turns out that we were mistaken about the nature of this fine international festival. It's such a popular event that it lasts at least a full month, maybe more. We will not go into the nature of the plumbing crisis that requires us to keep a drip pan under the kitchen sink. It is nothing that would not be fixed in a major kitchen remodel, and it would not even be a problem were it not for the unfortunate circumstance of our house's previous owners having bought oddly-threaded plumbing parts back in the era of Make Your House Unique With Off-Brand Stuff, some time in the fifties. We will not talk about how the car mechanic could not duplicate the gearshift problem, while we could duplicate it at will and against our will, any time of the day or night as long as it was a bad time.
No, we will go straight to the gigando flood and record-breaking rainfall afflicting all of the Pacific Northwest right now and point out that it violates the terms of International Small Emergency Month. That is, yes, it is true that the part of the flood that affects me is relatively small, only a small leak in the basement, easily controlled yesterday by applying every single towel I own to the leak in turn, flinging each towel aside after ten minutes, running the towels through the spin cycle (you will recall that I replaced the washer last month, yes?) and then through a few minutes in the dryer (you recall also that I replaced the dryer last month, no?) before reapplying the towel to the leak, which was getting bigger and faster all the time, and maybe it would become a bigger problem than towels could contain, so we moved all the stuff in the path of the leak from one side of the basement to the other. As I say, small.
And the part of the flood that affects me indirectly is only a little bit bigger, a mere inch of water all over the floors of my granddaughter's high school, closing the school from Monday morning until Wednesday. Well, maybe more than an inch, and the school will stay closed until Thursday. Um, next Monday for sure.
These are minor inconveniences compared to the landslides and closed freeways and railroads and helicopters evacuating people from the rooves of the houses, and I return to my complaint: International Small Emergency Month is supposed to involve only personal inconvenience. It is not supposed to require the intervention of the Red Cross, calling out the National Guard, or governmental declarations of disaster.
